We Had This Dog

We had this dog.

Beckett rode him like a horse and Oliver tugged on his ears. I treated him like slippers as he sat at my chilly feet and Nathan rough-and-tumbled him on the rug like a kid brother.

On Wednesday, we took him for a walk late-morning as we have done many a Covid-day. We got down the hill and he had, what we assume, was a massive heart attack and he died.

Dan, or Beckett’s “Brubby”, died.

Our old boy was round as a barrel and heavy as a horse and, until the moment he died, had the energy of a black lab puppy.

Beckett was devastated, and all we could do is let him feel his pain and affirm his grief.

As to be expected, many questions about death followed, and we have had no concrete answers to offer him. We have assured Beckett that he is safe. We have assured him he doesn't need to be afraid. We have assured him that Brubs is with God and gets nothing but love and care.

We read a picture book called Duck, Death and the Tulip by Wolf Erlbruch, about a duck at the end of its life. A personified Death spends Duck’s final days with him, floating in ponds and climbing trees, seemingly doing nothing but hanging out nearby, just in case. This gentle, yet aloof Death reminds Duck that he has been there all of his life, though Duck didn’t notice him until the end. He was always nearby, in case of foxes or colds or whatever life may bring.

Duck asks Death questions about the afterlife, but Death doesn't take the bait. Death is a higher power, of sorts, something Duck just knows to accept, despite his curiosity.

Duck eventually dies peacefully in his sleep. While Death sends him down the river with his tulip laying on his chest, the book says, “When she was lost to sight, he was almost moved. / But that’s life, thought Death.”

That’s when it hit me. Death is something we will all get to know, but we are not served by worrying about it. (Still, wear your masks.)

Grief, though...grief is for the living. When we lose those we love we are moved because we loved and love is all we’re here to do. This book reminded me, and hopefully Beckett, not to fear and just to love deeply.

Just like he loved his Brubby.

#duckdeathandthetulip