Okayish Ever After

I used to be fine. But now I’m not.

Ironically, my life is better than ever, because “fine” is not a feeling. I was reminded of that when I read Beckett The Princess and the Pea by Rachel Isadora. I’ve read this fairytale many times, but this retelling struck me differently. The prince wasn’t trying to fulfill an expectation by marrying a difficult princess who couldn’t bear a night with forty soft mattresses and a pea-sized hindrance. Instead, he made the choice to marry a woman who felt uncomfortable and said so. He chose a woman who had some feelings and knew they deserved the light. This prince searched far and wide, and chose her because “nobody but a princess could be as sensitive as that.”

AND THEY LIVED OKAYISH EVER AFTER BECAUSE HE MARRIED SOMEONE THAT FEELS STUFF.

Life is complicated. I feel grateful because I have two precious little boys, an amazing husband, and live at the beach. I feel scared when I go into a store and see people not wearing masks, putting me and my loved ones at risk. I feel sad when I can’t see those I love or meet new friends because of COVID. I feel shame when I realize that I am guilty of participating in systems of power. I feel aggravated when my dog won’t stop peeing on the floor. I feel exhausted because I’m a mother of two boys that don’t like to sleep as much as I do.

This fairytale, most importantly, reminded me that we have to model how we experience feelings for our kids. Our troubles don’t come from having feelings, our troubles come from how we handle them...and our children see that. They are going to know if we’re angry or happy. What they are going to learn is how to handle their feelings, and, consequently, how to care for themselves. This looks like using our words to express what we’re feeling; stating our boundaries and conditions when we need to; and asking for help when we need it.

I am not fine, I have all the feelings, but at least I know that I’m living this complicated life. I use them to know when I need to change my actions or call for help or thank God or hug my family a little tighter. And, thanks to the Princess and the Pea, my kids will know they don’t have to be fine.

Don’t be fine. Be a princess.